Courage

 

This is a poem I found when I was 13 years old. It has stayed with me since than.

                                                Believe in yourself,
                                                and in your dreams,
                               no matter how imposable things may seem.
                                               some how some way,
                                               You'll get to your goal.

                                                   Mountains fall,
                                                  and seas divide,
                                                  before the one
                                                 who is his stride,
                                            takes a hard road by and by.

                                               Believe in yourself,
                                                 and in your plan.
                                                Say not I cannot,
                                                      but I can.

                                                 The prizes of life,
                                                    we fail to win,
                                   because we fight the powers within.


   Over the past two weeks I have been over run with horrible e mails and phone calls. Extended family member's of mine have called the police, harassed my friends on face book, call any time they choose day or night. In all of this not only is it hateful, disturbing, and filled with lies, but I have also received death threats. Because all this has happened over the internet and from people out of the province the police say there is nothing they can do..
   I continue to keep writing my autobiography and keep up with this blog is because I want those people out there who are trying to destroy me to know that I will not stop, and they can't make me. Words are just words.
   I am continuing with this, not to "fuel to the fire" but so that I can prove to myself and children that there are always going to be people who try to take you down, but as long as you have your family beside you, you can handle everything.

Whats really important

   Lately I have been struggling to come to terms with the MANY demon's from my past, but in the process of dealing with the past it seems as though I forgot about the here and now.
   As I write my autobiography more and more horrible and disturbing memories have been flooding back so much so that I am even having a hard time getting myself out of bed lately, that is until this past week. When things seemed to be at there worst and I was assaulted on the internet I have come to realize that none of that matter's. My true friends are standing within the walls of my house, and so is my family.
   In the process of people trying to put me down, I quickly became aware that the only people I need are surrounding me. My husband, 2 kids and my brother is all I need to survive this cold and unforgiving world.
   In the past couple of weeks I have had to deal with a lot, and guess what the only people in my life who weren't afraid to stand beside me were the people in my own home. MY FAMILY ROCKS.
   They know when I'm feeling down and are always willing to lend a helping hand or even defend me whole heartily when no one else will.
   I am sad to say that it took these unfortunate events to happen to make me realize that I don't care what other people say or think about me. I know that I had a horrible childhood, one that I wouldn't wish on anyone even my worst enemy, but despite all of that I made it through. And not only did I make it, but I am succeeding. I feel horrible that it took this long for me to realize that I really do have everything I have always wanted.
      In my opinion don't get caught up in the every day mundane routine, shake it up a little and really learn whats important to you in your life, I now know that nothing is more important than the four people who live in this house, and I can't wait to spend the summer getting to know them all over again. Stop looking for whats not there and just focus on what you believe. Don't let nobody try to tear you down, never let them win.
   I STAND STRONG AND CONFIDENT KNOWING THAT IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS OR SAYS, WITH MY FAMILY BY MY SIDE I CAN CONCURE ANYTHING..

"Go get lost in the woods"

     “Go get lost in the woods”

   Go get lost in the woods, is a piece of advice I received from an extremely unwanted source. As people who have been keeping up with my blog know that my last few blog's quickly became over run with horrible comment's. I said that I would put the blog aside for awhile, but I enjoy writing it too much to stop, and why should I stop?

Writing is what I love to do.

   On a recent post someone told me to “go get lost in the woods” and as much as I love writing, I didn't realize that I needed a break, a change of scenery is just what the Dr. ordered. Friday after school we told the kids we were hiking on the next day and right away they got to work. They made themselves a lunch and prepared their packs for our long hike.

   Normally our hiking trips take us to one of our favorite places Baliene, but due to heavy fog on the coast we had to change our plan's. Instead of the coast and the Ocean, we made our way closer inland. Down a dirt road through the middle of the woods we drove our van, we parked in a small space just off the beaten four wheeler track. We lifted our packs on our shoulder's and headed for a day long adventure. Immediately the dogs scoured the area and the kids were off. Tim and I hiked hand in hand, listening to the birds chirping, chipmunks chattering and the laughter of our two children and my teenage brother as they played games along the way.

   Everything was right with the world. We were living in the moment.

   Just down the dirt trail we were following we just happened to stumble upon a lake. Right away we found a smaller path that went to the left of the lake, into the path we went, the bush's were grown in so we pulled out our clipper's and very quickly found the perfect spot for a perfect day. In front of us we had a small lake and although there were a few bushes in the way, the dogs quickly trampled them down. The lake looks great for both fishing and swimming. We had our fire pit in the middle of the woods and to our backs had a huge deep slopping hill. The hill offered tree's for the kids to climb, and paths for the dogs to run through. This is the perfect spot.

   We had been racking our brains trying to think of a great place to take off camping for at least a week, and we weren't having any luck, that is until we “got lost in the woods.” this place has everything we need, a place to pitch our tents, a fire pit we made while we were there and as a bonus there are a lot of tree's that are died and just lying on the ground. This makes it good for building, nothing in camping beats being able build what you need. In this place we'll be able to build counter's, tables, and what ever else the kids can imagine. The small piece of beach is also just the right size to launch our very small boat.

   While out there I took time to think and reflect. It has finally occurred to me that the people who matter the most are the ones who live in this house. On our hike we never take any comforts from home, no video games, MP3 player's, I pods, or any other small device that connects us with the outside world. In doing so the children speak more and learn lots. It's a great way to connect with each other away from all the distractions. We do however bring along a cell phone, just in case and that is kept in a pack and shut off.

My favorite part of our hiking days, is just how quickly we're able to escape all the nasty things of this world and take stock about what really is important. Outside and in the woods, the kids get along and work together as a team as they try to make and build things for our camp site. Tim and I get time together and everyone is happy just to be together.

   In short despite the fact that I received the advice “go get lost in the woods” came from somebody I don't care to associate with or even talk to was right about one thing. I desperately needed a vacation and even though it was only for one day, we found the perfect place for camping, I was able to take my mind off of the computer and get back to whats really important.

   And now that I have had that time away I am now more prepared to get back to what I love, writing and I can do it with much more focus. Now more than ever I feel as if I am doing the right thing. My story will be told and no one will stop me, but I also learned how to tune out the unwanted crap that occasionally spills into my life.

With summer just around the corner I can't wait to start having summer fun. I now feel as though my autobiography is flowing a lot more easier and figured out that when it comes down to it everyone needs a break once in awhile, even if its just for a day.....

   On with the writing nothing is going to stop me now.

   And to that person who gave the unwanted advice I say: Thank you, now I am more focused than ever on my writing my story...

   Another piece of advice to the people who are trying to stop me, take your own advice and go get lost in the woods

LEAVE ME ALONE!

   All I am trying to do is raise my family and start my writing career. I am not bothering any body, in fact I have gone through great lengths to try and block all the people who are slandering my name all over the internet.
   Not only are they attacking me on google+, but know they are searching my friends lists and sending them nothing but lies about me.....
   If they are all really so innocent why do you keep bothering me, I did not get in contact with any of you! Time to back off.
   What you are doing now is called CYBER BULLYING and if you keep it up I will be seeing all of you in court..
   Again I would like to appologize to my friends who are being harrassed by people I have the miss fortune of being related to...

Sorry!!!!

I would just like to take the time to apologize for my so called "family", and ALL their lies. I am done with this and am calling the cops on these sick and twisted people.......
I will no longer post or subject anyone to their sick and twisted comments, nobody should be subjected to this, inclueding myself.....
IT ENDS HERE!!!!

This is how supportive my "blood family" is... Part 2

The comments keep coming.........
   There were so many more comments that I had to continue the blog:
I am tired of being cyber bullied......
This is what my "blood family" is saying about me on google+

This is from greeneyes_31

deleted my last post??   here it is again


It wasn't a threat,  not at all just telling you to back off and stop spreading lies.  Also as far as giving you proof... how the hell did you get that from what i said??  show's how you twist things around.  I thought the cops told you to stop with the lies.

As we get older we do soul searching,  it's not our fault you don't like what you see in yourself, in fact it is in question whether you have a soul or not.  If you are going to continue to make false accusations against my family, then I am going to start stating some FACTS for you. I remember you touching me many time where you weren't supposed to,  I knew back then you were creepy, that's why I never liked you.  Have you ever stopped and thought to yourself YOU are the problem?? Stop blaming shit on other ppl and start taking responsibility for your own actions.  You are toxic.

You need help, they have pills for your many personalities.  You are trying to cause shit, and it's not going to work,  nobody is listening, and in fact we don't care about your opinion, but I am not going to sit around and have you spread lies about me, or my uncle.

Start living in reality,  stop craving attention and trying to play a victim role.  Nobody cares.

Nothing but lies. This is the sickest thing I ever heard, completly not true....

This is again  from greeneyes_31......

see you in court :)


I am just typing my autobioghraphy and trying to come to terms with my past......

Another one from greeneyes_31

You should also let your new "google" friends know why you don't have any friends now.   You are a taker....  you take until everybody is drained.  You tell lies to get ahead and don't care what your actions might do to other people, as long as you gain from it right kimmy??   Well you've gone to far now, and I am going to make sure ppl know what you are about.  You are a liar.  I would say your posts are great fiction, however they are so poorly written I couldn't get through all of them.. sorry about that.  Maybe you should upgrade your English skills.  Maybe your kids can teach you.  js

I can't even coment on this one?????

This is from my cousin Lisa Suarez

ATTENTION ALL STRANGER!!! I AM KIMBERLY'S FIRST COUSIN, AND AM MORE THAN HAPPY TO TELL.
  KIMBERLY IS A COMPULSIVE LIAR AND HAS REFUSED ANY HELP/TREATMENT IN DEALINGS WITH HER ATTENTION REQUIREMENTS.  YES SHE HAS A TROUBLED PAST, BUT NOT WHAT SHE IS DESCRIBING ON THIS SITE.  IT HAS TAKEN ME 4 HOURS JUST TO CALM DOWN.  THIS BIO IS COMPLETELY FALSE.  KIM WAS 15YRS OLD WHEN SHE LEFT WITH HER MOTHERS BOYFRIEND OF 43.  HAD A COUPLE OF KIDS AND HAS ISOLATED HERSELF ON THE INTERNET, MY FAMILY PAID FOR HER PUBLISHING OF HER FIRST BOOK THAT DIDNT SELL, WE TRIED TO GIVE HER LIFE, AND HELPED ANY WAY WE COULD HER BEING SO FAR AWAY... AND NOW IS WRAPPED UP IN SERIOUS READING MATERIAL, PREHAPS TO MAKE A SALE..WE ALL HAVE SOB STORIES OF OUR CHILDHOOD, BUT BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY THE ONLY THING TRUE IS A MEDICAL LAWSUIT THAT HER DAD AND GRANDMA FOUGHT AND PAID FOR, SHE DID HAVE A SERIOUS STROKE AND WE ALL GEARED TO BRAIN DAMAGE, BUT CLEARLY NOW THE ENTIRE FAMILY KNOWS SHE IS JUST WIRED WRONG....CURRENT TO THIS DATE HER PRECIOUS HUSBAND HAS GOTTEN A 15YR GIRL PREGNANT IN THEIR HOME. VIA A 3SUM, WHO KNOWS IF KIMS CHILDREN ARE SAFE OR IF SHES ANOTHER PREDITOR!!
  HER BLOOD FAMILY LEFT HER FOR GOOD REASON AS WE DID NOT APPROVE OF HER ACTIONS THAN NOR NOW, CAN NO LONGER SEND HER GROCERIES OR PAY HER BILLS!! AS SHE WIPED OUT 1.2MILL$$ AND DIDNT EVEN OFFER TO PAY THE LEGAL FEES THAT HER FAMILY DID FIGHTING FOR HER.....NUMEROUS GOD FORBIDDEN LIES AND SERIOUS DRAMA. AND TO RAEBETH AND THESE STRANGERS THAT NEED TO KNOW BIO ARE TO BE TRUTHFUL NOT FICTION, YOU COME HERE CLEARLY DEFENDING  DRAMA JUNKIES AND SHOULD KNOW THIS WILL ALL BE GOING TO COURT AND KIM HAS BEEN IN TROUBLE WITH THESE THINGS BEFORE INCLUDING RESTRAINING ORDERS GEARED BY A JUDGE.  I ENCOURGE ALL "FRIENDS" TO IMMEDIATLEY LEAVE THIS SITE BEFORE GETTING DRAGGED INTO SOMETHING YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT.  KIM YOU NEED HELP, AND YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO SEEK IT.  AND I AM NOT WORRIED ABOUT THIS "BOOK" YOUR WRITTING AS WE BOTH KNOW 1/4 IS TRUE, AND YOU HAVE NO MONEY TO PUBLISH, AND THESE CHARACTERS ARE FICTIONAL WITHIN THE DAMAGE OF THE CEREBAL WALLS IN YOUR HEAD, YOUR IN YOUR 30'S NOW AND NONE OF US WILL ATTEMPT RESCUE EVER AGAIN.  IM APPAULED AND FEEL GREAT SHAME THAT YOU HAVE SUNK TO A NEW LOW.  AS I KNOW THIS IS WHAT YOU DO WHEN YOU HAVE TEMPERTANTRUMS.  ALSO NOTED ON FACEBOOK.
 THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR YOU, AND I WILL BE MORE THAN HAPPY TO AIR YOUR LAUNDRY......  SOCIALOLOGY 101...VICTIMS DONT SCREAM ON THEIR OWN WALL, CRYING RAPE OF HER FATHER,,HER FATHER DID NO SUCH THING BUT HANG ON ASLONG AS HE COULD, I TOLD HIM TO SUE YOU BUT HE HAS SPENT MORE MONEY ON YOU AND IF I WERE HIM I WOULDA RAN FROM YOU TOO,,,YOU WANNA HOLD GRUGES HOLD THEM PRIVATLY WITHIN UR SELF. IT WAS YOU WHO RAN AWAY WITH A MAN 30YRS OLDER BY CHOICE...  AS A VICTIM MYSELF OF MY FATHER,,, I SEEK BLOGS FOR RECOVERY AND JUSTICE. AND TALK TO PROFESSIONALS AND EDUCATE THE YOUNG WHOM DOESNT KNOW THE DIFFERENCE....... NOT BIOGRAPHY TO GAIN FIANCIAL AID......ATTENTION FICTIONAL WHORE IS ALL, ANYONE WHO WISHES TO CONTACT WITH QUESTIONS LEGALLY OR SINCERLY YOUR WELCOME TO COME AS AN ADULT WITH PROPER SPEAKING TERMS.

This is nothing but lies.......
Nobody paid to have my first book published. It was published by Publish America    As any other would tell you I didn't have to pay a cent, and nobody has EVER helped us out with our bills. As far as a restraining order goes, I have never been in trouble with the law, and don't even know what one looks like....
This is Defamation of charector at it's best........

Another post from Lisa Suarez.....

next she will be accussing us all of molesting! good thing i kept a diary! dated and timed! 80% of victims become premesquis the other 20% become offenders!

As most people who have been raped it is a very difficult thing to overcome, and MANY MANY people know that a lot of people who have shared my experiances have also wrote them out to help them deal.....
My original blog:     "I am a survivor, but..." Was me attempting to come to terms with what has happened to me. Thousands of people publish their stories of child rape every year. I'm not in it for the money, I'm writing my autobioghraphy as a way of dealing with all that has happened to me in the past. It's only natural........

Another one from greeneyes_31

you are nothing but a liar.  You are delusional and lies like this are called slander.  You have always created more drama then necessary, and i noticed your new post.  If your family is who you make it, fine.. good and dandy.  Stop being a bitch and spreading lies, or better yet go get lost in the woods somewhere.

This is from my cousin Lisa Saurez...

MAYBE TIM WILL TAKE HER TO THE WOODS IF THERE IS INSURANCE POLICY WHICH I DOUBT, AS HER PAYOUT HAS BEEN SPENT!! THEY CANT EVEN AFFORD THE BASICS OF LIVING !

Another lie.......

Another post from greeneyes_31

and Kim, this is only the beginning.  We know the truth.  Your jealousy and lies are going to get you nowhere really quick.  I just hope your kids are safe..

Posted on google+ by Lisa Saurez..

KIM GET A JOB!!! SAME WITH SIGNIFICANT OTHER!!! WHAT IS HE LIKE 70 NOW>>??  NO RETIREMENT SAVINGS NO NOTHING THE GOVERNMENT NOR ANYONE PAYING TAXES SHOULD BE PAYING FOR YOU !!! YOUR BOTH SLOBS TAKE UP COMMUNITY SERVICE AT LEAST!

Raising a family and taking care of my house is a full time job.....

I am trying to get my writing career...

Tim my husband is on Disability because of his shoulder and back, which are both 

Deteriorating very rapidly and the doctor took him off of work....

Another comment from greeneyes_31

listen bitch, you tried once with your lies and everyone saw through it.  Big tough woman you are mentally abusing children and a family in their  time of need. Wow, says a lot about your character.  You tried once and failed,  you will continue to fail.  You're right... you have nothing to lose, you lost it all already.  I have nothing to lose because I know who I am and I will always be better then you.  I have happy healthy children, both with a higher IQ then you.

Greeneyes_31 again....

your father is nothing more then a wonderful man who always tried to do right by you.  You are an ungrateful, money hungry, sorry excuse for a daughter.  He deserved so much better then you for a daughter, no worries though, my children and I love him very much and cherish every moment we get to see him.

I am sure there are more, but I can't stand to read anymore, everything said about me is nothing but lies...

I am the one who ran away from them, and this is why...

Sorry to subject you to such stupidity, but the world needs to see CYBER BULLYING AT ITS BEST!.

This is how supportive my "blood family" is...

   These are the comments I have recieved about my blog and e-mails about writing my autobioghraphy......


 I don't like profanity on my wall....I have no objection to Kim writing her autobiography...as long as she keeps to the facts of herself......if she wants to wreck reputations that becomes a criminal matter....and she stands to be exposed as a liar and a fraud and unfit to parent...she is the one who was offered an opportunity to have hypnosis,or a lie detecter test...and would have had the backing of everyone if she had co operated...she refused.She does a grave injustice to true victims of sexual abuse....and she is the one that has no self respect....she has embarressed me on facebook for the last time.It'ds being reported....and I suggest you call your mom....

This one was posted on facebook by an aunt of mine....She posted this on my brother's wall.
It is a proven fact that most survivor's of child rape block their experiances from their minds and don't remember until years later....

you sick bitch, you need to get a life of your own, continue this shit and i'll sue you. you want a fight?? bring it bitch. on To whom it may concern

greeneyes_31

on 6/18/12

I know who you are greeneyes 31!

I think your the one on crack and I know of who you speak! What is this all hearsay for you? These children and mother I am very close with!! and know for fact that this bullshit is untrue. Its people and family like you that makes the world go round, dispicable people are the ones that find pleasure in making other peoples day harder. Words are word and I am not able to pyiscially find you.. But I so wish I could! on To whom it may concern

Anonymous

on 6/19/12

You're not fooling me. I also know who you are...
I sent her my address.........

you have never worked a day in your life so I think and so does other you need to shut the fuck up you have no idea what you talking about!!!! Why don't you try and work there is nothing stopping you but u think everyone and the government owe you and they are the ones supporting ur kids....Mom is the one who got you guys the money from the government well more money...Just to let you no everything I send you I keep and send to everyone...that means the two ppl on this site too... on Help the sick and injured

jessica

on 6/19/12

Same goes for you "Jessica" I am not stupid.....I am raising two children, and raising my little brother who my mother refuses to look after or pay the child support she is collecting to help in the cost of raising him....
And any mother out there would say that raising a family IS A FULL TIME JOB!
I wasn't the one I wrote this about. It was about my husband of 17 years who was forced to stop working due to an injury.........

U need to watch out their is a reason why she has no friends or family in her life anymore...she is a lair she has been her hole life and she has been in therapy from the time she was 5 to an adult....she has been very well looked after wanting for nothing....she has a handicap in her hole left side...Now she had to go through a lot of physical therapy had to take off a lot of school...I no cuz I took off to the park one time when I wanted my mom to take me with them...and if wasn't care for someone would has none and she wouldn't have been to all the therapist..both sides of the family sued both doctor for what did and was always around helping her....I took the back set burner everything was about kim but I wouldn't change that for the world it helped...and by the way u can't bring man around her she is always asking for sex don't care who is around why some of don't talk to her....when she was 16 teen she started seeing my moms ex-boyfriend be-hide everyone's back he was 43 yrs. He on Family

jessica

on 6/19/12

Yes it is true that was in therapy from the age of 5 to 17 years old, but most people would if they woke up one day disabled because of an incompedent doctor.


This is an email from a cousin.....

Listen you sick, delusional, psychotic crazy bitch.  You need to stop with the drama and the bullshit.  You know damn well that your father never did anything to you.  You are a money hungry, ungrateful daughter/ person.  You suck the life out of everyone around you which is why you are alone and your husband has a young thing preggo. Hahahaha , good luck with that!

You need to remove that blog about your father and the one of me bitch.   You need to pay attention to your own attention starved children and remain gone from our lives.  You need to disappear.  You hate the gallants so much.. good, we are not that fond of you either, in fact I am ashamed to admit that you are somehow related to me.

Instead of going and looking for trouble, try and find some happiness in your pathetic life.  Forget we exist, as you are already forgotten to us.
Same cousin sent me this to...

you are nothing but a liar.  You are delusional and lies like this are called slander.  You have always created more drama then necessary, and i noticed your new post.  If your family is who you make it, fine.. good and dandy.  Stop being a bitch and spreading lies, or better yet go get lost in the woods somewhere

Again the same cousin sent this to me.....

your father is nothing more then a wonderful man who always tried to do right by you.  You are an ungrateful, money hungry, sorry excuse for a daughter.  He deserved so much better then you for a daughter, no worries though, my children and I love him very much and cherish every moment we get to see him.

Wouldn't you love to have a family like mine LOL, they are just so sweet aren't they.........
I didn't fix spelling or grammer because I didn't want to mess with what they were saying...............
From now on all their comments will be posted...
Hope you enjoy...

Family

   Family is supposed to be everything. It's where you came from and who looks after you when your little, or in my case lack of being cared for.
   In my opinion I think that family is what you make of it. I don't believe people are my family because we share the same blood, people who are family stand with you no matter what. They don't call you a liar or try to ruin your life.
   If you were lucky enough to have grown up in a house with parents who care about you and stand up for you when you can't than good for you.
   I make my own family, I have an amazing husband, 2 great kids and a 15 yr old brother. 
   My parents aren't around because I don't need nor want that kind of poison in my life, and the same goes for my extended "family" cousin's aunts, uncles all of them, none of them have ever been there for me.
   So in my opinion I honestly believe family is what you make of it, blood does not matter. It's their character that matter's and blood related or not I like choosing who is in my family, because when I choose who I let into my life I am not as easily going to be let down like I was growing up.
   My advice to anyone who reads this is don't fight with your "family", and don't feel you need them just because you share the same blood. Family is what you make of it, not what you were born into.
   CHEER'S TO MY FAMILY, YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!
   I say make the best out of what you have, don't fight and argue with people who don't understand or care about you just because you share the same blood, go out and find your own family. I promise it makes this world a whole lot easier to deal with.........

I AM A SURVIVOR.............BUT.............

   I am a survivor, but..
   My husband is right, I am not myself and I am not going to be until I can get rid of all the hatred that is running through me. I can admit that yes, I HATE MY FATHER.
   I hate him for everything he did to me, for how badly he hurt me. I hate him for not being there and for not having time for me. YES I HATE MY FATHER, but I HATE MYSELF MORE.
   I HATE ME.
   Yes I have very good reason to hate me. The first time my father touched me, I should have told. I should have screamed, something, anything would have been better, but unfortunatly I believed this was normal. All father's teach their daughter's what sex is and how to do it properly. This is what I grew up believing this and that it was a BIG secret. All family's do this, but nobody talks about it. My father explained it to me like this.
   "All the children who die, die because their parent's had to kill them to keep their secret. And if you tell ANYBODY, even your mother than I will have to kill you to. So you need to do as I say and not tell a soul."
   For years and years I put this memory way into the back of my mind, so far back in fact that I had the luxury of completely forgetting about this part of my life until the nightmares began. At first I ignored them, thinking that I was crazy, but soon all of the horrible details came flooding back with avengence. And this is why I HATE MYSELF.
   When I first remembered what the bastard did to me I should have pressed charges right then and there. The problem was that my own mother didn't believe me, so instead I did nothing.
   I DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
   I did nothing, and because I did nothing who knows how many other little girls he has touched, who else had been affected because of him. Amazingly all of this I was able to again keep it out of my mind, that is until I was given a very rude awakening.
   I recently found out that other small children who are around him all the time began showing signs of being molested. Right away I knew that my father had something to do with with, and that I could have prevented it all. Right then and there the bitch inside of me came roaring out. Because I didn't do any thing I now know of at least two children my father has affected.
   IT'S MY FAULT.
   IT'S ALL MY FAULT.
   The worst part though is that I can make everything go away. I can make sure that my father gets what he deserves and make sure that no other children can be hurt by him. I could do this, but at the same time, I CAN'T.
   I CAN'T DO IT.
   I can't go there. If I took my father to court would kill me. I'm a coward. I am not strong enough to stand in a room and tell people the details of what he did to me. But even worse than that is I am afraid if I were to take him to court, I wouldn't be able to look my husband in the eye. How can I survive having to relive those days in detail? I can barely deal with the realization that this actually happened to me.
   I can't think about the details. If I do I will never feel clean again, and if I'm not clean how do I live?
   I HATE MYSELF..
   I am only writing this blog to try and heal myself, I have no intention on hurting anyone or even giving out names. My one and only purpose for this post is so that I can move on with my life, I wrote this trying to get my feelings out so that I may be a better parent to my children.
    My counsellor said that writing it out is the best therapy, thus the reason behind me writing my autobiography. My hope is that by the time I finish writing my story than maybe I'll have the strength and courage to stand up in a court of law and let the world know exactly what he did to me..