Its not my fault

     I think I have finally figured it out. ITS NOT MY FAULT!

     I figured how and why so many pedophiles in this world are walking free, their families are embarrassed and or are ashamed to admit that there is a pedophile in their family.

     For many many years I blamed myself for what happened. I blamed myself for not telling anyone sooner. When I first began remembering what HE did to me I went to my mother who said that I was lying. I always blamed myself for not going to somebody else who would listen instead I dropped it and stopped going to his place. My “mother” wanted proof, she wanted me to take a lie detector test and go for hypnosis, what kind of mother says that to a child who just told her that she had been raped? The only thing I can think is that she knew what was happening all along and didn't want to be blamed.

     One weekend while at my “fathers” we stayed at someones house that was working the night shift, before she left she told HIM to let me sleep in the same room as her kids. Upon returning home the next morning she learned that instead of me having a sleep with her children I was in his bed with HIM. That day she yelled, hollered and screamed at him. From that day on whenever we went over to their place she made sure that I was with her kids and no longer did we go over to visit them while she was working the night shift. It's pretty obvious by her reaction that she knew what he was doing.

     Over the past month or so I have been bullied by HIS family member's, because I had the nerve to write a blog called “I am a survivor...But”.

In this blog I talked about how I felt and how I blamed myself for what happened. I talked about how I wish I had the courage to charge him, and how if I had the chance I would do it all different. There were no names mentioned yet they still pounced. Two of HIS niece's began their online slaughter. Since that blog I have received death threats and my e-mail has been flooded by nasty messages, I can't make a move on the computer without them jumping down my throat.

     Like I said I have it all figured out. Instead of wanting a pedophile off the streets my “family” like many other families out there are more ashamed to admit that there is a pedophile in their family, so they ignore this fact and in many cases disown the one who was abused instead of doing the right thing.

As far as I am concerned I have come to the conclusion that when I told my “mother” what HE did to me it stopped being my fault. The adults in my life, are to blame now. I am convinced that both my “mother” and the woman whose house I was at knew what was happening to me, they just refused to do anything about it. In my book by refusing to do anything about it, it became their fault, they are just as guilty as HE is.

     It is a sad sad world when people would rather protect a pedophile than have to admit that they are actually related to one.

     If people weren't so concerned about what other people thought than there would be less children in the world being abused.

     I wonder if these people and the people protecting any pedophile anywhere in the world realize that they are just as responsible for every future victim as HE is.

     The only good thing they have ever done for me has been attacking me the way they have been, because it finally made me realize the truth, it's not at all my fault. ITS ALL THEIR FAULT.