Having a really bad day today.
Because my “mother” has stopped paying child support for my little brother money around here has been extremely tight. Most days I can block this out, but I really want to go camping and I’m not sure if we're going to be able to go at all this year.
I feel extremely guilty today because Tim is worried about money and its my fault. If my “mother” hadn't of come down at Christmas we would be in much better shape. The money we received from CPP would have had us all caught up on our bills instead my “mother” managed to suck the money out of us. I feel bad because I let her back into all of our lives and it seems like she is doing everything she can to ruin us.
I wish that I was stronger and that I didn't believe I needed her, in fact its only lately that I have realized that I can live without her, how could I have been so stupid as to let my “mother” come in and affect all of our lives.
I really need to get away, take my mind off of everything so that I can begin to deal and cope with my reality. Don't get me wrong I love my family, I just wish I loved me.
I HATE MYSELF. I should have told someone about the abuse as a child and as soon as I got out of my “mothers” house I should have stayed away far away and never let her back in. there are a million things that I wish I did differently.
I feel like I am the one who has put my family in this position and I wish I knew how to fix it. Because of everything that has been said about me online it has affected every aspect of our life. I can't make a move without getting blasted.
The worse thing is though is that I can't look my husband in the eye because I see all the pain I caused him. I wish that I listened to Tim years ago when he told me nothing good will come from letting my “mother” in my life.
I HATE MYSELF FOR NOT BEING STRONGER AND FOR BEING DISABLED. I HATE MYSELF BECAUSE I WISH I COULD BE THE MOTHER MY CHILDREN DESERVE (although I am trying) it just doesn't feel like enough.
I WISH I COULD LOOK MYSELF IN THE MIRROR AND NOT SEE A PERSON THAT I HATE MOST IN THE WORLD!
6 comments:
not so nice when it's happening to yo is it??
And by the way Tracy I did nothing to you or your family!
lol, liar
Tracy do you not realize that all the comments you have posted here have done nothing but make you look like a complete and utter fool.
All anyone has to do is read my blog to know that you are the liar
No ppl see u are the lier..u don't want ppl putting up the truth about u..so stop putting lies up about ppl...u bring it on ur self..mom got u pretty much everything in your place..don't you remember putting it all up on facebook...I would be afraid of facing god when the time comes being u...And I don't mean I'm going to do anything to u..U no u like to twist words...I have a lot to live for and ur not worth it..ur not worth much no anything..as well as I see you put ur not the type of person to put ppl..down to make u feel good about ur self..U have always been like that ur hole life..ur are that person...everyone who knows you..really knows you from a little girl...say the same u are that person..always have to make ur self feel better...ur a victim come on now..u started this by putting it up for everyone to see...and they are lies..if it was the truth it wouldn't be so bad..what did u think would happen..and now the truth about u is put out there..it hurts ur so call hole family that's all u...and if you do write do it in a book or something else privet when it's all but lies...someone else's life u are writing about..do you just want to sell books...is that why u are doing this...all these lies..so stop trying to get attention..this way it's not going to be good attention..u bring this on your self...by putting it out there for everyone to see..us moving and changing schools as a kid...was because of u and ur disability...kids picking on u.. teacher not accommodating u..or u just not liking the school, kids and teacher...u were a mean kid and now a nasty adult...changing ur story I see and add to it now..is it because of the reaction u have got..we are mad..have every right to be..now they done something to u..everyone did something to u..it's all lies...and what u didn't do nothing to ppl..if u think not let me tell u..U HAVE DONE A LOT TO PPL..wow is their nothing u wont do..don't u think before telling ur so called story to the world the most hardest things that happen... u would have told the police and lawyer and have them charged first...get the full truth of what supposedly happen...not put it on the internet for everyone to see...the way ppl who have had this happen don't want ppl to no cuz they feel ashamed of it.. not u..I think you are doing this so when u do write all these lies...someone else's life!!that this book will sell...the first book didn't and u publish it ur self...that's why nothing was changed..why the family had to pay for it to be published...it's a really bad read...I think my family are going to get together...write are own all about u and the truth...with proof to back it all up...NOW TO LET YOU AND UR BRO NO.. THAT I DON'T EVER WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH BOTH OF U... NO MATTER WHAT HAPPEN I DON'T CARE...DON'T WANT TO SEE U GUYS OR HEAR FROM U...EXCEPT FOR COURT...P.S STARTING OWN BLOG ALL BOUT KIMMY AND HER SO CALLED FAMILY... LOOK OUT FOR IT THERE WILL BE SOME INTERESTING THING ON THERE ABOUT U..BUT ALL THE TRUTH AND PROOF TO BACK IT UP...yea have the animal been talking to u or did the spirits in ur house tell u anymore about government stuff..
And this is my sister Natasha, why she is using a different name I don't know.
Natasha you were the one who always got things from "Mom" I never got anything but grief, look around she never did nothing for me...
Can't "Mom" do this herself? You're being used right now, Natasha you just don't know it......
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