Its not my fault

     I think I have finally figured it out. ITS NOT MY FAULT!

     I figured how and why so many pedophiles in this world are walking free, their families are embarrassed and or are ashamed to admit that there is a pedophile in their family.

     For many many years I blamed myself for what happened. I blamed myself for not telling anyone sooner. When I first began remembering what HE did to me I went to my mother who said that I was lying. I always blamed myself for not going to somebody else who would listen instead I dropped it and stopped going to his place. My “mother” wanted proof, she wanted me to take a lie detector test and go for hypnosis, what kind of mother says that to a child who just told her that she had been raped? The only thing I can think is that she knew what was happening all along and didn't want to be blamed.

     One weekend while at my “fathers” we stayed at someones house that was working the night shift, before she left she told HIM to let me sleep in the same room as her kids. Upon returning home the next morning she learned that instead of me having a sleep with her children I was in his bed with HIM. That day she yelled, hollered and screamed at him. From that day on whenever we went over to their place she made sure that I was with her kids and no longer did we go over to visit them while she was working the night shift. It's pretty obvious by her reaction that she knew what he was doing.

     Over the past month or so I have been bullied by HIS family member's, because I had the nerve to write a blog called “I am a survivor...But”.

In this blog I talked about how I felt and how I blamed myself for what happened. I talked about how I wish I had the courage to charge him, and how if I had the chance I would do it all different. There were no names mentioned yet they still pounced. Two of HIS niece's began their online slaughter. Since that blog I have received death threats and my e-mail has been flooded by nasty messages, I can't make a move on the computer without them jumping down my throat.

     Like I said I have it all figured out. Instead of wanting a pedophile off the streets my “family” like many other families out there are more ashamed to admit that there is a pedophile in their family, so they ignore this fact and in many cases disown the one who was abused instead of doing the right thing.

As far as I am concerned I have come to the conclusion that when I told my “mother” what HE did to me it stopped being my fault. The adults in my life, are to blame now. I am convinced that both my “mother” and the woman whose house I was at knew what was happening to me, they just refused to do anything about it. In my book by refusing to do anything about it, it became their fault, they are just as guilty as HE is.

     It is a sad sad world when people would rather protect a pedophile than have to admit that they are actually related to one.

     If people weren't so concerned about what other people thought than there would be less children in the world being abused.

     I wonder if these people and the people protecting any pedophile anywhere in the world realize that they are just as responsible for every future victim as HE is.

     The only good thing they have ever done for me has been attacking me the way they have been, because it finally made me realize the truth, it's not at all my fault. ITS ALL THEIR FAULT.

The Truth needs to be told...

  
THE TRUTH NEEDS TO BE TOLD!!!
   I was gone for a week camping and this is what I came home to, man I really wish we could have stayed out there.   
   This is a message I received from my sister Natasha, i am only posting it to point out the lies and tell the truth...
Hey everyone out there I feel as if I need to tell the truth about my family...now I have a sis and she started a blog about someone elses life...she is changing her story first her father who I grow up with.. and is the nicest guy u could meet.. but my dad isn't.. as she put the one thing that is some what true..he did like to hit us...but not the way she tells it..but back to her..she said her dad malasted her...and that was the only one...and now she is say he raped her as well as other ppl in the family and someone else molasted her..now if it happen.. its is and would be the hardest thing to talk about and embarrassing to tell ppl.. but not her... she is open about it... and no charges were brought... cuz she wouldn't take a poly graph text or hipnooses... she wouldn't take it but her father wanted to... cuz she might have put his face on the guy who really did it..but no...this started when she was 16teen and wanted to go to a concert with her dad and his friends...but he said no to may older men would be there... she go so mad...and then this started...and my mom alway put her frist..got kim almost everything for us..and before all this started kim always had up pics that kim took off of Facebook.. all the food, gifts, TVs, beds, lots of money and ect...she spoiled her grandkids...this girl kim had a big sweet six party my mom rented a hall for her and here friends...now no parent is perfact they do make mistakes...but they were nothing as kim says...my mom was a great mom and stil is.. Kim is Lying and trying to hurt ppl..then u get some ppl who believe her.. she never meet or no her..all the family on both sides stop talking to her... and friends of the family that have known kim since she was a little girl...and talking to her kids about all this and her little bro as well... they have nothing to do with it..but she pushes them to bully..by cuting and pasting messages ppl send kim...saying they are bullying kim..which is not true..she write lies about us and we are not to say a thing.. well she bullus us on computer for the HOLE WORD to see..I have a life and a good one and don't need this shit..if it was true not so bad but again why does it need to be on the internet..if she has thses friend and family talk or write to them..and she has no proof but we do..and everyone on both sides have the same story..so what we are all wrong and she is the only one that's right...come on now..the family is looking to Charge kim..and for my mom she was very easy to talk to and wouldn't Let nothing happen to us..alway stands up for us...and always having are backs..my mother wouldn't let that happen...kim has lots of problems..and u don't like ur family or got problem this isn't the way a grownup does things..as well as the reason we went to so many schools is cuz kids picking on kim and she didn't like the teachers..that's why we went to so many schools...got lots more to say but got to go..as well as the family u are all welcome to come on here and talk the truth and only the truth... about Kimberly..will post what she won't..its open here..and kim u started this remember that when u say ppl are bullying u..
   In the first line Natasha says that she grew up with my "father", how can that be if I am older and the man that raised us was her father, my step-father? My "mother" and step father got together when I was only a baby, in the early years I barely seen my "father". I started going for weekends with him when i was just 4 yrs old and that man never even stayed a night in what ever place we were living at, at that time. Natasha doesn't even know my "father" she only came a couple times for weekend visited with me when her father refused to come and pick her up. My step father beat us pretty bad with belts, whips and whatever else he could get his hands on, it's the reason that I still don't know my multiplication tables, because I was beat with the belt when ever i got an answer wrong.
   My story has never changed, my "father" DID rape me for years. At the age of 12 I was molested again while my "mother" left us with a sitter so she could go out bar hopping. I was again molested  another time when I was 14 yrs old and again at 15 yrs old.

   I have absolutely know idea what concert she is talking about. The only concert I remember him going to was a pink Floyd concert when I was 14 years old. I didn't even like them at the time. I loved country music.
   As for being open about all the abuse I suffered, it has taken me years to get to this point, and even though I am embarrassed that it happened, it was not my fault. I was only a little kid. Through counseling I have learned that by being more open about this takes the shame and blame away from me and puts in back on the adults who were supposed to be watching me. Over the years many many people have written books and blogs about surviving being raped. It is completely normal for me to want to get it off my chest and stop hiding, it happened but I am dealing with it.
   As for taking pictures down off face book I have done no such thing. They can't see the pictures because I have them blocked from my face book. Yes it is true that my "mother" has given us Crisco orders for Christmas, it was a gift, and yes this year while she was down she bought a television because she wasn't able to watch what she wanted on our crappy television. It was a gift, but it was a gift for her, she was only here for a couple of weeks and she spent that whole time in front of the television telling her grand kids to shut up she couldn't hear the television.
   I am the one bullying??? Really I was just going on with my life, writing and raising my family. They came after me. I am only posting this to defend myself. Yes I went to many schools, but if all the changing schools was because of kids picking on me than why was it when I finally made friends in grade 8 did we have to move again?
Trust me god wouldn't want nothing to do with her...u no she can talk to sprites they stay with her and talk to her...and they even told her about government Stuff she call them to tell them stuff..she is off her rocker..the hole family on both sides don't want nothing to do with her..but its all of us not her rite... ur story is changing...wow some ppl believe.. They don't no if what their reading is telling the truth..she is not an only child but her other kids don't no where she is getting all this.. and for her bro he wasn't around and he is only listening to her side
that's ok he can stay with her...
   I have never made a secret about being able to speak to spirits. In fact I wrote a short autobiography about it called "My Story" and it can be found on authorstand.com. As for the goverment stuff I think they are mad because I claimed my brother on our taxes, he has been living here since September of 2011. I wasn't going to claim him, but when she stopped sending me the child support that she is recieving from his father, I had no choice. All this started when my "mother" called on January 30 to tell me I was making Cody study to hard for exams. Now Cody came to live with me because she couldn't handle the abuse anymore and rapidly grew out of hand for my "mother" or sister to look after. I got gaurdianship of him because the Childrens Aid Society of Ontario was getting ready to take my brother and perminently place him in foster care.
   My "mother" is also upset that I am recieving the baby bonus for Cody and my husband is claiming him on C.P.P and that means that she can't lie to the goverment no more. They know that Cody is living in Nova Scotia with us and not in Ontario with her.
   As for telling my brother things about the family, i refuse to tell him. I tell him that he needs to decide for himself, not once have I stopped him from calling his "mother", but his cousillor has told him NOT to have any contact with her because all she does is start trouble. I think they are most mad about how well Cody is doing. He went from barely going to school and in and out of group home and even jail on bogus charges that his mother and sister laid on him. Cody is now a B average student in school, he goes to counsilling and I must say that I haven't had any problems with him, he is turning into a great young man.
Not even close..we have the proof u don't we can show and tell can u that's rite u don't it ant true I guess u will find out the hard was..and no book company will touch u with a 10 foot pole..u need the evidence and u got none cuz it didn't happen to u..I see ur just trying tk sell a book..ur a fake..u weren't even born in mississauga it was Toronto and u never live in etobicoke or Barry.and if u go back to begong of ur blog and other parts u will see her changing her story...and ur the one crying to ur kids and little bro getting him to disrespect his family by cusing them about u being bukkyed and the way u grow up...he wasn't even born then...he was born in 1996 and kim was born 1971..she tell him thing that aren't true he has no part in this seeing how he wasn't even born..
   I would love to see what proof they have? As far as book company's go, I have publisher's in contact with me everyday wanting to know about the progress of my autobiography. Not once did I claim to live in Barrie or Etobicoke. As far as letting my brother disrespect his family well I can't stop him especially when we have had the cops here 2 times because he refuses to call her. If your mother called the cops on you would you have anything nice to say to them?
   Cody was born in 1996 I moved out in 1997. Cody came to live with me in September of 2011, I seen Cody maybe 3 times before he moved here. I believe his "mother" and sister (who tried to tell Cody she was his father) has told them lies about me for as long as he can remember.
   I am 33 years old my birthday is May 17 1979. I have nothing to hide, and have the proof to back up what I am saying. These people who know me so well don't even know the year I was born in...
Hows that for a loving and caring "mother"? 
   As far as her grandkids go, she can send them cards in the mail, and before she could have called to talk to them anytime, but after her very long stay here at Christmas and getting to see their real "grandmother" they don't want nothing to do with her.
   For years I worked on having a relationship with my "mother" just so my kids would have a grandparent, but after they were mistreated by her I can't blame them for not wanting nothing to do with her. In fact for the last 2 weeks she was here my 10 year old son refused to have anything to do with her.
   This is another reason I started going to counsilling because I feel guilty for letting her in my house and around my children. I feel guilty that she has hurt them the same way she hurt me.
   Now this is the only thing she can do to us, make her daughter send me these messages. What a great family....   

The great escape

     Talk about a great time.

     We just got back from a week long camping trip, and I can't even begin to explain how great it was to just get away. It's the simple life.

     A life where we have no television, computer and by accident on this particular occasion no cell phone. The cell phone is only brought just in case of an emergency. Camping to us is a great way to spend time with each other again and rediscover just how lucky and fortunate enough to have one another. We get to teach the kids new things and watch as their eyes light up as they discover new things themselves. It's a place where nobody can touch you or hurt you. The rest of the world feels like it doesn't even exist.

     Camping is exactly what we all needed, to get away. We had the perfect spot, with a huge hill behind us, our tents pitched in the woods and our very own private little lake. The lake was great, both Dustin and Cassandra became much stronger and better swimmers, and Cody loved playing “life guard”. We brought out our rubber raft and the kids had a ball rowing it out into the middle of the lake (which wasn't deep at all) and then jumping over board as if a huge monster was after them. They all loved learning how to use the saw and ax to help cut up wood for our fires. We talked, laughed, played games, and ate s'mores. All in all in was a great time had by all.

     The major difference between this camping trip and all of our others is that we had a whole new generation of animals with us. This camping trip we brought along our 2 dogs. Storm, she is 3 yrs old and has gone camping with us only a couple of times last year, Jack who isn't even a year old this was his first camping trip, and 2 of our cats. Rascal who just turned a year old, he belongs to Cassandra and Giddian who is only 4 months old, she belongs to Dustin. Neither cat has ever gone camping although they have gone for a few day hiking trips. All the animals loved it they ran played and slept well with the kids.

     Despite having a great time every bone and muscle in my body was hurting. All the hiking, bending over and just walking on uneven ground was enough to send the left side of my body into full blown muscle spasms, but it was worth it just to see the smiles on the kids faces.

     All that being said, both Tim and I were really looking forward to getting home and sleeping in our own bed. We planned to get home Sunday afternoon was the plan, but that is not what happened. It took us much longer to tear down camp than either of us though it would so the van wasn't packed and we weren't ready to go until 9 o'clock Sunday night. Happy that we were finally done and had everyone piled into the van Tim turned the key and right away found out that our battery had died.

     Right away Tim and I hoped out of the van and after a quick assessment and a few curse words we realized that we were stuck. Stranded, litterily in the middle of nowhere.

     The road that we drove up to get to where we were was nearly 5 miles up a dirt road and the paved road is one that is not driven on much because it is way out in the country. With the bugs eating us alive and the sun rapidly descending in the sky we had know choice but to make a split decision. Because we would never make it anywhere near the paved road before dark and even if we did, the nearest store would be closed. We had no other choice than to find our big tent and set it up right there in the middle of the road way up in the middle of nowhere.

     Quickly Cody and Tim set the tent up, Dustin pumped up the air mattress and Cassandra and I rummaged through the food we had left and found a few things to eat that didn't require any cooking.

     We piled into the tent and ate our snack. Neither Tim nor I slept very much at the top of the road, but thankfully the kids slept great. By 7 o'clock in the morning Tim was up and began the long hike to the paved road. I stayed back with the kids and animals.

     Luckily for Tim half way up the long dirt road he came across the gravel pit that we had both forgotten about. Some how he managed to reach the gravel pit just as the men who work there were arriving for work. A very nice man in a four wheel drive truck told Tim to hop in. right away the man drove Tim up to where we were and the van was parked. He pulled out his booster cables and gave us the boost we needed.

     12 hours after the van was originally packed we were finally on our way home. We arrived home at 10 o'clock Monday morning. Quickly we unloaded the van and began putting everything away.

     We had a great week spending time together and as much as I wish we could stay out there never to return, we had to come back and rejoin society.

     I must say it was very nice to get home and find that my sister Natasha and cousin Tracy haven't missed a beat and even though I was no where near a computer their mission on trying to ruin me and my reputation continued.

     I think that the world would be a much better place if people just learned what was really important and stopped putting others down, instead use that same energy to try and help somebody out. I live my life going out of my way to help people and animals in need whenever I am in the position to do so. It's the best way to focus your attention, it will make you feel better and help someone out in the process.

     My advice to all those out there that are hell bent on destroying peoples lives need to find something else to focus their attention on. It will make you feel better about yourself, and you can actually do something worthwhile like help some one in need.

Enough is enough....

     Alright I have had enough. No more pity party for me, I will not let the low life's in this world get me down.

     I am a strong woman who has survived many different monstrosity of abuse through out my entire life. My previous post was written just for me to be truthful about myself. And although I still struggle every day with my past I will not let people from my past bring me down.

     I have a lot to be thankful for. I have an amazing husband who loves me unconditionally and two great kids who are both straight A student's and even though my brother has had a rough start to life, since he moved in with me, he to is doing much better. He is happy now, has friends, a room of his own. He has discovered he likes to read and he just graduated junior high with a B average, considering he hasn't attended school regularly since he was 11 years old I have to say that is awesome.

     I own my own house and I am surrounded by people who love and care about me, despite where I came from. Even though some days are rough on us, I wouldn't change my life for nothing (except the abuse part).

     Everything that I have lived through though has helped me to become the person I am today and although right now I am having difficulty in seeing that I really am a good person despite my past abuse, I am getting help and working on it every day.

     So even though I have trouble looking in the mirror my husband loves me and so do my kids, they are always wanting to spend time with me. I must be doing something right.

My brother thanks me all the time for taking him in and treating him like he is a human being and not a piece of shit.

     I guess what I am trying to say is that even though I have issues that I need to work on I will and I will be stronger for it. I refuse to let those people in my life who have worked so hard to try and ruin me think that they have won, because they haven't.

Everyone has bad days but its what you do to get out of that mood that sets you apart from “the evil doer's” that sets you apart.

     For instance when I feel down I write my journal, blog, or read and keep to myself, instead of what “other” people do when they feel down. I have seen it more than once people only feel better about themselves when they put others down, but guess what I am not like that. Instead I take time to look around and see that I really do have everything I need right here with me...

     Tracy and Lisa you can try all you like but you can't take me down. I refuse to be a victim of yours, you need to find some one else to pick on because I refuse to be your punching bag any longer.

I HATE MYSELF

     Having a really bad day today.

     Because my “mother” has stopped paying child support for my little brother money around here has been extremely tight. Most days I can block this out, but I really want to go camping and I’m not sure if we're going to be able to go at all this year.

     I feel extremely guilty today because Tim is worried about money and its my fault. If my “mother” hadn't of come down at Christmas we would be in much better shape. The money we received from CPP would have had us all caught up on our bills instead my “mother” managed to suck the money out of us. I feel bad because I let her back into all of our lives and it seems like she is doing everything she can to ruin us.

     I wish that I was stronger and that I didn't believe I needed her, in fact its only lately that I have realized that I can live without her, how could I have been so stupid as to let my “mother” come in and affect all of our lives.

I really need to get away, take my mind off of everything so that I can begin to deal and cope with my reality. Don't get me wrong I love my family, I just wish I loved me.

     I HATE MYSELF. I should have told someone about the abuse as a child and as soon as I got out of my “mothers” house I should have stayed away far away and never let her back in. there are a million things that I wish I did differently.

     I feel like I am the one who has put my family in this position and I wish I knew how to fix it. Because of everything that has been said about me online it has affected every aspect of our life. I can't make a move without getting blasted.

     The worse thing is though is that I can't look my husband in the eye because I see all the pain I caused him. I wish that I listened to Tim years ago when he told me nothing good will come from letting my “mother” in my life.

I HATE MYSELF FOR NOT BEING STRONGER AND FOR BEING DISABLED. I HATE MYSELF BECAUSE I WISH I COULD BE THE MOTHER MY CHILDREN DESERVE (although I am trying) it just doesn't feel like enough.

     I WISH I COULD LOOK MYSELF IN THE MIRROR AND NOT SEE A PERSON THAT I HATE MOST IN THE WORLD!

Working through my depression

     As I have said before I have just started counseling I need it to help me deal with the realities that are my life. Unfortunately though my counselor was given a better job offer in another province so I am waiting for a replacement.

     I have a mild case of obsessive compulsive disorder. I need to have everything cleaned just right or else I can't get on with my day, I am dealing with this using cognitive behavioral therapy. Since I began this long process I have been getting better although they are only small steps they still are steps and I am slowly beginning to see that all these little steps lead to a lot of change.

     I am trying my hardest to give up as much control as possible, and I think the kids are beginning to see that I am trying. I no longer hover over them to make sure that their rooms are clean the way I like, although I do still have the need to just clean the rooms myself, I am getting better and better at letting the kids clean up their own mess. Even in other area's such as washing the dishes, I have given up control and now have the kids taking turns washing dishes after supper.

     All these little things have added up to me being a lot more happier more of the time, and not near as stressed out about having the house cleaned perfectly. I am also learning to give up more control over the kids school work, I think I have finally realized that it is up to the kids to make the grades they want and it's not my place to make sure they do every little homework assignment the way I would do it.

     In short I feel that cognitive behavioral therapy is helping me a lot, and I highly recommend the workbook called “Cognitive Behavioral therapy for Dummies” As this book is helping me to see the world in a different way.

Although I am constantly working to improve myself I still cannot look at myself in the mirror. Due to the horrible child hood I had I don't believe that I am good enough, and fear that my family would be better off without me and my problems, but that to will come in time (so I am told).

     I have both good days and bad days, today is a good day because I feel as though I got a lot accomplished around the house and my muscle spasms from my disability aren't as bad today.

     I have also recently joined a group for rape and incest survivor's and I think just the fact that I know I am not alone out there has made me feel better. I don't think I will ever completely heal from the sexual abuse I endured, but at least I am dealing with it. As funny as it sounds it took me years to be able to say that I am in fact an incest survivor.

Through out my child hood I was constantly put down and told that no man would ever love me or stay with me. I was brainwashed into believing that I couldn't survive without my “mother” in my life, but just in the past couple of months I have cut my “mother” completely out of my life and now I am confident that I don't need her.

     I am also in the middle of writing my autobiography, and that brings up memories that I had buried deep inside. My consilor said that writing is the best form of therapy and because I am sick and tired of feeling worthless I have decided to write.

     In the mornings I wake up do some light household chore's than either site at my desk in my office or I sit here at my computer typing my autobiography.

Since my counselor has left I continue daily with the breathing exercises she taught me and I am also doing work on my own, I ask the kids for their input on different things, and of course my husband is my greatest Allie always cheering me on. If it weren't for the family I have today, I don't know how or even if I would have survived these past couple of weeks......

     My family is the most important part of my life and I will stop at nothing to make sure they get the best mother, wife, and brother they deserve.

As I wait for a new counselor I continue my therapy on my own. I am working on “Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Dummies” by Rhena Branch, and Rob Willson. I am also reading and doing all the exercises in “The Courage to Heal, A guide for woman survivors of Child Sexual abuse” by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis.

     I highly recommend these books to anybody who is suffering at all with any type of abuse, but I would have to say that my best tools and support come from my family without them I don't know were I would be.

Changes

     As you all have noticed kimmys kozy korner has been taken up with my family issues. This blog was supposed to be about things I thought and seen in the real world that I felt was unfair or unjust. Lately though that hasn't been the case so I am changing the purpose of my blog. Instead of me writing about different things like the government, SPCA or the Children's Aid Society I have decided to use this blog to tell you all about me.

     Kimmys Journal, will give you insight into my personal battle with depression and dealing with the fact that I was raped as a child. I will also use this blog to address the many many lies that have been spread about me. I promise to keep this journal truthful and only give the facts, know matter how hard they may be. I continue this blog for myself and for my own recovery, as I deal with the harsh reality's that were my childhood.

     I thought I would begin by setting the record straight about the lies and rumors that have been said about me.

     Yes it is true that at the age of 5 a doctor made a mistake taking my tonsils out, and because of that mistake I am partly paralyzed on the left side. My “family” did take the doctor to court on my behalf, but it was my grandparents on my mother's side that paid the lawyer. I did receive money, but not the 1.2 million others have said. From all this I received $200,000 my mother received $30,000 my sister $10,000 my “father” $10,000 and my “fathers” mother also received $1,000. My grandparents on my “mothers” side refused to take any money from the caes and told the lawyer what ever money they were to receive should be given to me. At 18 years old I tried to pay my grandparents back and I was told the best way to pay them back would be to do something with my life. By the time I turned eighteen I received a cheque for about $385,000, out of that money $100,000 I put a down payment down for a house for my mother and 2 younger siblings to live in. I spent $20,000 on a new car for me and the rest of the money went into something called an annuity. I get just under $1,200 a month for the rest of my life.

As a child I was rapped by my “father” from the ages of 4-9 years old, I was also molested by a couple cousins. At the age of twelve again I was molested while my “mother” partied with a friend of hers, and again at the age of 15 another man tried the same thing.

     As for taking a lie detector test, why should I have to take one? And I don't believe in hypnosis. I honestly believe that when I child goes to an adult to tell them what is happening that child should be believed right away, and not called a liar and be black balled by her family. As a young child somebody should have believed me when I told them the truth.

     As far as therapy goes, yes I was in therapy from the age of 5 to the age of 17 when I moved down east and away from my family. In the past few months I have begun therapy again to deal with my trust issues and to figure out how to put my rape history behind me.

     I am raising my little brother. He has been in and out of group homes for at least 4 years before our “mother” put him on a plane with a note giving me guardianship. She said that her son was to much for her to deal with so I got him instead of him landing in the system forever. And yes it is true that I am trying to get money, its only because his mother stopped paying child support for him, because I was making him study for is exams. My husband broke his back many years ago and as of just recently he ruined his shoulder. The doctor took him off of work and he is receiving a disability pension.

     Although I have never had a job that paid money, I have spent many years volunteering. First at Erinoak, a place for disabled people than at a soup kitchen in down town Toronto. When my son started school I began volunteering at the school library, I was hoping to get a paid position but cut backs didn't allow for that to happen. I had to stop volunteering after I quickly learned and discovered that when I got home I was far to tired to look after the house and children. My kids are my priority so the job had to go.

     Money hungry? If I were a money hungry bitch I would have a job and say to hell with my kids or what they need. I would have wrote my autobiography a lot sooner than now. If I were a money hungry bitch I would have sued my mother for all the money she has cost me and I would be in meetings with lawyers to try and get the child support. Instead I continue to live my life and make the best with what I have.

     Growing up I did not have it easy, not even a little easy. I went to so many different schools I can't even count them all, my mother loved to party which resulted in me and my sister getting locked into strange rooms in stranger's house's so that she could party. The only reason why we had food on the table is because of my grandfather, he bought our grocery's. Throughout all the moving around and switching school's partying and packing and unpacking my “mother” managed to get married three times.

     And yes with all of this going on it was very difficult getting to know people and making friends. I was never spoiled as a child and NEVER got what I wanted, unless you call getting whipped by a belt from your step father spoiled.

     When my husband and I began a relationship, he was not dating my “mother”. Yes there is an age difference. I was 17 years old and he was 37 when we first got together. When my mother found out about us it wasn't until I told her that I didn't think I would buy her a house that she kicked me out. At the time I was going to a catholic high school and because my mother called the school and told them that I was living with a man, I was kicked out for “living in sin.” It was my senior year I was 4 exams and 4 credits away from graduating.

     Despite all of this I went back to high school and finally got my high school diploma. I also took courses through the mail and received my diploma in child psychology. After many attempts to break me and my husband up and after my mother beating me to the point that I passed out my husband and I moved from Ontario to Nova Scotia, and now that I have EVERYTHING I always wanted my wonderful “family” is trying to take it all away.